Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Being married has made Ashely Cole cheat!

Personal Trainer, Collette McBarron, who spent an intimate night with Cheryl Cole's again ex Ashley Cole cuddling, insists they just chatted about his split from the Geordie singer and has discovered the reason for all the cheating Ashley did.

'You go from being someones boyfriend to being their husband...When you're someones boyfriend, you don't feel so much responsibility towards that person.' Ashley said. What a gentleman! 'Once you're a husband you can't act in a way that you would have done if you were a boyfriend.'

So does that mean that Cheryl was aware of what Ashley was like before they got married? Did she think that marrying him would calm him down? If so that is unbelievable! Its like Germany being in a relationship with Hitler who wanted to rule the world, but they thought, 'If we invade Poland, that should calm him down'

But Collette is convinced his cheating is not all his fault. 'He can't help but be sucked onto the world of nightclubs and girls because it goes with the job,' She tells the Daily Mail. Umm No Collette! His job is being a football player. That involves training, playing games, sponsorship. If anything, by going out and drinking actually hinders some players. If he wants partying to go with the job, maybe he should get into business with Peter Stringfellow.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Britney's Hygiene is called into question

Britney Spears is being sued by her ex bodyguard for causing psychological damage after being sexually harassed by the singer last year. 

Fernando Flores claimed that she would take a 'cocktail of drugs' whilst he worked with her, how the star would parade naked in front of her mirror and also questioned her hygiene as she would go without showering or even cleaning her teeth for days, and would pick her nose and break wind unapologetically.

Is that where she got the idea for 'Oops I did it again'?

Flores also explained that she would strip off all her clothes and beckon him into her room for sex. What a terrible thing to happen! Britney Spears! Who was once one of the hottest women in the world, inviting you into her bedroom for sex. Its enough to make me throw up!

I think a lot of blokes would ignore her hygiene. They would probably think 'If she is dirty on the outside... Maybe she is dirty on the inside!'

If there is anything to be concerned about, its the fact that she randomly asks staff to address her as Jennifer or Queen Bee..? Is that her version of Katie Price's alter ego Jordan?

Britney's lawyer has decided to deny all allegations. Of course she has, she probably doesn't see it as harassment. It might just be her way of meeting new people.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Ashley just can't behave himself!

Ashley Cole has to be the dumbest person in the media right now.

After all the articles we have read recently about Cheryl and Ashley getting back together, he seems to have screwed it up again by sleeping with an air stewardess in LA just before he flew back to be with the Girls Aloud singer for her 28th birthday party.

I don't understand this man! People would give their right testicle to be with Cheryl Cole! Ashley! Looks! You may never be with this woman again!

He is considered to be the best left back in the world but he is also the biggest dumbass in the world, he gets paid over £90k a week, and somehow, by kicking the ball for 90 minutes means that women, who, if I use them as a stereotype, aren't that interested in football, seem to fall for them. Now if Cheryl was shallow then she would only of got with him for his money. But I think she saw something in him, or maybe it was an airgun wedding...

If, after everything Ashley has done to her, Cheryl still wants to be with him, I have the perfect idea for her...ROLE PLAY!!!

Ashley can't seem to settle down with one woman, so why doesn't she become multiple women. She could be Wendy the nurse one day, then Debbie the secretary another day etc. As long as he doesn't get confused when she actually does her job as a singer and sleeps with Cher Lloyd accidently.

Monday, 18 July 2011

Ellie Redman gives her approval...WHO CARES!

TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) star Ellie Redman has told Now! magazine that she approves of Cheryl Cole getting back together with Ashley, who has cheated on her on a number of occasions, possibly the latest being a couple of days before Cheryl's 28th Birthday party.

She believes that by having the Chelsea left back by Cheryl's side. She can bounce back from the US X Factor dumping and be even stronger with his support. 'If Cheryl wants to give Ashley another chance I think that's good...Cheryl's been through so much, she just needs someone to love and support her'

Its good to hear that someone actually approves of what Cheryl is doing, but I have one question... Who is this girl? I really doubt that her opinion will change Cheryl's feelings. How do we know that she means what she says, especially after they stated TOWIE is supposed to be a reality TV show, yeah right! Its just as real as Katie Price's breasts.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Cheryl lays down some rules for Ashley!

The official announcement of Cheryl and Ashley Cole reigniting their relationship is only just round the corner, however before that happens, it seem Cheryl has written a rule-book for Ashley to keep him on the straight and narrow.

They involve six simple rules:
  1. No Sexting - For those who do not know what that is, it is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. He isn't even allowed to do it with her! Just in case one of them loses their phone. Also Ashley is only allowed one phone! No 'pimp mobiles'
  2. Daily video chats to make sure he is actually in his hotel room. An insider from Now said 'Ash called her every night while he was in LA and she wants that to continue' (Problem with that rule - he maybe in the hotel room, the main thing question is, is there anyone else with him?)
  3. No secret networking, Cheryl has to know all his accounts and passwords
  4. Cookery classes. Cheryl wants them to do more things as a couple.
  5. Do not play away. Cheryl will randomly call hotels to make sure Ashley is where he says he is.
  6. The couple spend at least one weekend a month where they can go on romantic getaways to spend some alone time together.
Although Ashley bought this on himself, I can't help but feel that he has been put on parole. I can imagine Cheryl in an officers uniform...Possibly an outfit that many men have pictured her in.

However if this works, the other WAGs might take note and make their own rules for their hubbies. We may see a new reality TV programme called 'I'm an English Premiership footballer, get me out of here'

Maybe Coleen Rooney already has a rule book... I think there would only be two rules in that one though.
  1. Stay away from people grandmothers
  2. Stay away from prostitutes

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Shia LaBeouf is a WANTED man!

 Source Shia LaBeouf

Austin Green, husband to Megan Fox has promised to 'punch Shia LaBeouf's lights out' after the Transformers star claimed he and the Fox had an on-set fling before she married Green.

'He finds Shia cocky and irritating. The fact that he's bragged about having a thing with Megan is so tacky and insulting for Brian.' an insider told Now Magazine.

I don't see what the big deal is. Looking at the definition of the word 'fling' it means 'To throw oneself into an activity with abandon and energy. Now I don't know if Austin has seen the Transformers films, but there is constant action happening so of course there was a fling. They were probably flinging every day! It wouldn't be an action film if they weren't flung about!

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

JLS disappoint fans at T4 on the beach!

Source JLS

JLS felt forced to pull out of a performance for T4 on the beach because of a lack of sound checking and time set to rehearse a performance created especially for the festival.

To try and stop their fans from turning on them, Marvin Humes posted on the band Facebook page 'We are SO sorry that we are not performing..it's something that was beyond our control..as a 4 piece live singing band there is no way we can do such a huge show without a sound check or camera rehearsal..we are extremely disappointed to let you all down.'

The response they got from the wall post was mainly of support, probably from people who didn't have a ticket to go, or people who just wanted to kiss their ass.

There were, however, some pretty annoyed people who responded to their post with some very relevant opinions. One woman said 'My daughter was very upset not to see you as we couldn't get tickets when you were on tour so i thought i would take her to see her first concert to t4otb'

One fan was definitely not happy, even with their apology and posted 'You should try remembering who put you guys where you are now! Obviously disappointing 50,000 people that had paid a lot of money to come and see you wasn't seen as a big deal. If you are as talented as you clearly think you all are shouldn't need a "practice run" when all you have to do is sing live, something surely all "singers" should be able to do no??'

Even I was affected by this...When I found out that they had pulled out, it reminded me that they are actually still around. 

One thing I feel they should of done is followed in the footsteps of Jessie J who had to pull out on medical grounds due to a broken foot. If they cared about their fans, they should of hurt themselves I'm sure they could of found someone to help them do it. I don't live too far away from Weston I could of popped over to help...

In no way am I condoning self-harming. This is purely a joke. Unless you are Jedward...

Monday, 11 July 2011

Chelsea's new boss bans special treatment for players!

For Chelsea Football club, the signing of new Blues boss Andre Villas-Boas sounds like 2011/12 is going to be an exciting season for the premiership. However, for the football players, it could be a very tough, boring season. 

Andre has made some drastic changes at the club to help his players stay focussed by:
  1. Training sessions to start at 9am everyday.
  2. Banning hairdressing treatments for players after training sessions as well as family members.
  3. Limiting the use of mobile phones whilst at the training ground.
  4. Banning paintballing trips which John Terry organises to keep the teams spirit up.
Is it me or is he mainly punishing Ashley Cole. Ashley like nothing better then to send texts including picture messages as well as firing his air rifle in the training ground. The Sun says that they 'bet the WAGs hate this' but i'm sure Cheryl is happy with the decision. She now has Andre to keep an eye on him during the day, and she can keep an eye on him in the evenings. He is being treated like a horny dog!... Although that isn't a bad description at the moment.

Although I do not like how he has conducted his personal life, Ashley Cole is still the best left back in the world! It could even be a good thing for Ashley... It may be the last time any of the Chelsea lads will make jokes about his tiny weapon.

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Rio Ferdinand joins the naughty list

Rio Ferdinand has become the latest premier league footballer to become the center of an alledged affaire with possibly 10 women in the last 13 years.

The main affair started 13 years ago with a interior designer named Carly Storey when the central defender was a reserve in West Ham, which lasted 13 years during which time Rio has got married and had 2 children. Ferdinand is now seeking damages from a Sunday Newspaper for Invasion of Privacy, although the newspaper is defending itself by quoting the freedom of speech act.

I don't know why he feels he has a leg to stand on. If you don't want bad things from your life such as affairs to be talked about in a newspaper, then don't have affairs! Simple!

So Rio's lawyer is saying that his client is not supposed to be a role model, that his job is to play football. Well if he doesn't want to be a role model, then he shouldn't have gotten a job that children think is cool. Maybe he should get a job as a poo inspector, no-one thinks that is a cool.

I just thought, if he has had an affair with 10 different women, no wonder he has had so many injuries!

Slowly our England team are becoming all cheats. All i'll say to them is if they are going to cheat, can they do it on the pitch so we can actually win something!

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Ashley and Cheryl to get keys to a new house...But Cheryl's mum won't be getting a set!

After appearing at Cheryl Cole's birthday party, it is pretty much confirmed that Cheryl and Ashley Cole will be getting back together, much to the dismay of her friends and family.

According to 'heat' magazine, they are already planning to move into a mansion in Surrey worth £6million. Although this is good news for the couple, it is not good news for Cheryl's mum Joan (who lived with them previously) as Ashley has expressed his desire for it just to be the two of them without the mother-in-law.

Ashley knows that it cannot work with her mum living in the same house, and he has told Cheryl that Joan cannot be part of their relationship. A friend of theirs told 'The Mail' 'Cheryl has to believe she can trust Ashley again. It's a big test of their new relationship as to whether he can behave himself'.' Not being funny, but he wouldn't be able to behave himself if he was tied down... In fact I bet he would prefer it.

I think for comedians everywhere, Ashley should allow Joan to move in with them. There are millions of jokes about mother-in-laws, and recently Ashley has been subject of many comedian's jokes. Imagine putting the two and two together!

As for Cheryl I would like to remind her what the term WAG stands for, 'Women Are Gullable' If I were her I would buy Ashley a mobile phone, maybe a nokia 3310. It doesn't have a camera, but what it does have is snake 2!!! what a game! 

Maybe he could start a hobby when he isn't playing football. He could take up shooting, I hear he is pretty good especially after his incident with a kid on placement. Although to be honest its not the first time Ashley has shot his load into someone he shouldn't have.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Leandro Penna to be a father...Whether he likes it or not!

Katie Price has been buying baby magazines, taking supplements and planning to create a nursery as she is determined to get pregnant with current boyfriend Leandro Penna. Although she is excited about this, Leo's family are greatly concerned that his modelling career is suffering the longer he stays in the UK with her. I just think his mental well-being is suffering personally!

They; as well as myself, believe that Katie is just using him to get pregnant, which should be quite easy considering there is a language barrier between the pair! I can imagine Katie mumbling, 'I want your baby' Leo responds 'Que' (Or K if you don't know how to pronounce it) and Katie takes that as an agreement.

Leo needs to get out while he still can, if not for him then for us. I'm already bored about their relationship. Plus it will save on his travel expenses.

Katie if you want to get pregnant then there are sperm banks for that. Don't make another man suffer for the rest of his life by being forced to keep in contact with you. Or if you're determined to have a famous husband be the father then why not get in contact with Arnold Schwarzenegger, or even Ryan Giggs. I hear they would be good at creating a love child.
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