Monday, 5 December 2011

It's after 9pm so I can say Piss Off Ofcom!

The term 'Its Political Correctness gone mad' is being used far too much recently, and its beginning to spread onto our TV screens. Whenever I read the newspapers, I regularly see articles regarding complaints made to Ofcom, resulting in the organisation trying to restrict programmes on what they can and can't show. For those of you who do not know what Ofcom is. Its basically the call you make after the police tell you that someone threatening Kane on Emerdale does not count as a police matter! They are the next step down from Ghostbusters!

But what really bugs me is how inconsistent they are! Last year, Ofcom had a paddy about how Rihanna and Christina Aguilera were too sexy in their performances (However, even if they were dressed as nuns they could make it sexy). What I want to know is how no one has complained about Kelly Rowlands performance on X Factor last week! Not only did she dress provocatively (Above), but her song is basically about being open to sexual activities. Lyrics such as 'I'm down for whatever, I'm down for whatever, when it comes to you, I can make love on the floor' and also 'baby lets get creative cause with you I am sure'

Now I don't care about the songs, or the dress code. What annoys me is how Ofcom has so much power over production companies. If Ofcom had its own way, every television programme would be like 'Relocation, Relocation, Relocation' or 'University Challenge' Even Monica Gellar would think it was no fun!

Would Britain really crumble is Ofcom didn't exist? Babestation would not be on every channel! Frankie Boyle still wouldn't be allowed his own programme! But people would be able to give their opinions on subjects without worrying about being in trouble, and more importantly, soaps would have proper arguments, so really it needs to happen!

Fingers crossed, someone from Ofcom will say either something racist, or something sexist and then they would no longer exist! So if Derren Brown can sort that out for me then maybe I would start taking him seriously!

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Jeremy Clarkson is on the naughty step...Again!

Jeremy Clarkson just cannot behave! If he isn't accusing lorry drivers of murdering prostitutes, then he is insulting the Welsh language, or punching Piers Morgan... OK so not all is bad. But he can't seem to stop himself from putting his foot in it.

After the public strike which saw disruption across the public sector, Jeremy Clarkson was in the wrong place at the wrong time, being a guest on the BBC's 'The One Show'.

When asked for his opinion on the strikes over pensions, Jeremy responded by saying how 'fantastic' it was because 'London has just been empty' 'But we have to balance though. Because this is the BBC, frankly I'd have them all shot! I would take them outside and have them executed in front of their families!'

Well like usual, this did not go down well with the British public, because, as we all know, the general public does not have a sense of humour and therefore cannot identify sarcasm. Apparently Offcom received 5,000 complaints, and even the Prime Minister David Cameron and Labour party leader Ed Miliband had their say. Although I feel David should be concentrating on more important things like whether the pensions are going to be affecting him as well as the other MP's, or is the government going to be OK?

Anyways the BBC and Jeremy Clarkson have apologised for any offence that was caused. But for those who were offended by this, get over it! He was clearly joking and if they don't understand sarcasm then they should not be allowed to own a telephone!

So there you go Jeremy, I have your back, however, in regards to you comment about suicides... You're on your own with that one.

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Kerry Katona tells us about what happened after she won 'I'm a Celebrity'...7 years later!

With 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' on our screens once again, after 7 years since Kerry Katona won the crown, she has decided it is time for everybody to know what happened straight after she left the jungle...

She had a bath...OH WOW THANKS FOR TELLING US!!!

She explained to 'NOW ' magazine that having a wash as soon as you leave camp is crucial. Well that isn't completely necessary. You just need to stop rolling around in you own dirt after you use the dunny.

She told the magazine 'I remember getting in the bath and Brian had to wash me and the bath water was filthy.' Ok 1, have a shower instead then; and 2, why was Brian washing you? Were you four at the time? Are you that lazy? Or could you not be trusted with the Talcum Powder after your bath and needed to be supervised?

Source Kerry Katona

After her bath, she understandably was craving some decent food. 'Then I had a McDonald's,' she admits, 'and when I got in a car I was like, what is this weird machine I'm in?!' YOU WERE IN THE JUNGLE FOR 2 WEEKS!!! Its not like she has been living with an Amazon tribe all her life, so I'm afraid Kerry, that comment makes you an idiot!

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Cheryl's Cheeky gift from Nicola!

Now we all hold grudges, whether we choose to admit it or not. But it seems that Cheryl Cole, and the rest of the Girls Aloud are still angry with Simon Cowell for his decision to sack Cheryl from the US X Factor, and replace her with Nicole Scherzinger (Shirt-singer if, like me you struggled to pronounce it) known for being in the girl band 'Nicole and the Pussycat Dolls'.

If you have been stuck down a hole for months and you do not know what is going on. Then basically Simon thought, that because X Factor was doing so well in the UK, he decided to abandon that show, to start one across the pond, and wanted Cheryl to join the team. This lasted a couple of months and she ended up coming back home, due to being sacked!

Well after this it was clear that Cheryl was extremely hurt, and at least once a week we are reminded on just how hurt she is.

Fortunately for Cheryl, she has the support of the Girls Aloud ladies (minus Nadine) and Nicola has even gone and given her a gift that is sure to put a smile on her face... Simon Cowell Toilet paper! @CherylCole Babe.. Its not the girliest thing but I got you a present.. x #NaughtyNicola,' Tweeted Nicola who posted a pic of the comedy loo roll. I didn't know that Nicola liked toilet humour, but come to think of it, she must do when she has to listen to the s**t music she creates.

I wonder if this is their way of saying to Simon that he can either 'eat s**t and die'? Or that 'he can kiss their asses' If so I don't think they have thought this through as Simon can now say that his face has been in contact with an area on Cheryl's body that every man wishes to go.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Look out for the Tricksters during Halloween!

While I was writing some of this, I was being hounded by Trick or Treaters! I do not understand this tradition. Why should I give strangers in masks sweets, when they could quite easily be after my wallet or mobile phone instead.

But thinking about Halloween has made think that maybe some people aren't just evil on one day, but evil throughout the year; and I thought I would warn you guys and gals of the people to look out for!

Louis Walsh - Sucks the talent out of performers and turns them into cabaret acts. That's right Louis they actually are Cabaret! Examples - Choosing to put through Jedward and Wagner in the live finals when they clearly have as much talent as Alex Reid's....Well...Alex Reid generally. Plus if it wasn't for Goldie quitting the X Factor, we could of be forced to watch her performances on the live shows.

Jordan - The Siren who hunts down innocent men, using them to get publicity and media attention, and once she has sucked their soul out of them, she dumps them like the silicone implants which were once her breasts.

Jedward - Have been put on this earth to destroy Britain's entertainment sector. Simple as that! However I believe, if you split them apart, we can beat them. So come on guys, lets beat them! Grab you pitchforks!!!

Justin Beiber - I believe this boy has sold his soul! Not only is he one of the worlds biggest singers right now. He is extremely talented in playing musical instruments such as the drums, piano, guitar and bass. He can also play American Football, Basketball, Football (Or Soccer for you guys over the pond) so I can't help but feel that he has sold his soul. Also if you have seen the series 'Reaper' you will know it is about a boy who becomes a Demon Hunter because his parents sold his soul to the devil to save themselves. So I am praying that the news article floating around about him getting a girl pregnant is not true!

I'm worried because I don't know how we can stop these monsters! Now after watching 'Paranormal Activity' I am not convinced that exorcism is the answer.

Please leave your comments and ideas below. Or like my page on Facebook and let me know what you think.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Justin Bieber Rents out a Movie Theater for a date!

I realise the last two posts have been about Bieber, but he seems to be the only one doing stupid stuff right now.

Now its no secret that women like a man to be romantic. But if someone rents out an entire cinema; you have to wonder what is going on. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were able to watch Hugh Jackman's new film Reel Steel without any hassle from fans, by renting out the entire movie theatre at Silvercity Polo Park. Whats wrong Bieber? Don't you want to show your girlfriend off to the public. Is Selena like Fiona in Shrek! Does she turn into an Ogre in the dark?

Maybe he doesn't want to have to hide in the back row to make out! If only he knew that the theatre next door was empty already! They were showing Never Say Never!

What I wanna know is, where is he going to stop. If he goes out for a meal, do they close a restaurant for him. And what about when he goes shopping, do they close the shopping mall? I'm worried about him! He could be suffering from Anthropophobia (a fear of people or society)

How did he sort out closing the cinema? Did he have to pay for every seat? If so he might as well of put a cinema in his house. Then I would be slightly jealous of the Biebster.

I hear Justin's next date is at the LA Galaxy stadium. Although he has bought the seats in the entire stadium so there won't be a soccer match on.

Friday, 21 October 2011

Justin Bieber on a mission to beef up!

 Source Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber has been asking his celebrity pals for tips to beef himself up after the singer became fed up with his puny frame.

The 17 year old has changed his diet by eating egg whites, grilled salmon and chicken. He wants to put on at least 15lbs and is hoping his protein-rich diet, recommended to him by Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron will help. I guess he also wants to have bad breath and bad wind.

I don't blame him. But why stop at putting on weight. He should think about university, looking for a new job, maybe a change of personality.

Good luck to him though. I know how hard it is to put on weight. But if he does succeed, he has to make sure that he doesn't go too far. Doesn't want to become a complete moron...he's already a muppet.

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Bruce Willis vs Ashton Kutcher! Ding Ding!

If there is one person you don't want to upset, it is Bruce Willis. But it seems that Ashton Kutcher forgot this and has p****d him off big time!

Even though Brucie and Demi Moore split in 2000, Bruce still see her as family. So after hearing reports of Ashton allegedly cheating on Demi with Sara Leal. Bruce has turned into 'John McClane' and is on the warpath and is determined to have a chat with 'Hans Gruber' AKA Mr Kutcher.

'When Bruce found out he flipped' A source told Now Magazine. 'He plans to confront Ashton and give him a huge talking-to... Bruce believes if you mess with people he loves, you mess with him... He trusted Ashton not to hurt his family and is planning to give him a piece of his mind... When he finally catches up with him it won't be pretty!'

After reading this, all I can say is... Goodbye Ashton, you had a good run, 33 is a good age to be destroyed! If you are going to anger someone, don't choose Bruce Willis! In his acting career he has killed 4 terrorists, stopped an asteroid from hitting the earth, and he has time travelled to stop 12 monkeys! What has Ashton done? He lost his car after a drunken night out, time travelled and messed up peoples lives, and ironically, has become a womaniser. The main difference is that Bruce did all this as an actor... I can't tell if Ashton was acting or if this was real life.

Anyways good luck Ashton, you never know, Two And A Half Men may be looking for another character in the near future.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

X Factor! 16 down to 12!!

Last weekend was extremely stressful for 16 people in our country. Not only did they have their first live performances on X Factor, but their judges had to decide which one of their singers had to go home.

I made a prediction after the live performances and I got 3/4, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I agree with the decisions.

The judge that I felt sorry for the most was Kelly Rowland. She has got such a strong category that whoever she chose, she was going to send home an amazing singer and unfortunately it was Amerlia Lily. Though I hope someone signs that girl because I think she is amazing!

The judge who I felt was the worst was, no surprise, Louis Walsh!! What an idiot!! After Jonjo's performance, the judges were quick to critise, saying that he was nervous and the song choice was poor All these comments seemed to make up Louis' mind on who to send home and he hadn't even seen the other performances. He made it clear that the song choice was not his idea, but Jonjo fought back by saying the one that Louis chose was less energetic than his.

I can believe that. I bet Louis had a vision of Jonjo sitting on a stool, singing. Then when the song really gets going, Jonjo would then stand up and walk towards the front of the stage, resulting in a cheer from the crowd. That kind of original thinking would of seen Jonjo performing on this weeks show!

Unfortunately we cannot change what has happened, or will that be another X Factor twist?! All I can say is, Over 25s, watch your back, because Louis doesn't have it. He is still upset over Goldie!

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Katie Price is at it again!

Right I realise that I have been away from the celebrity world for at least a week. But I definitely remember reading an article last week about Leo Penna admitting to the press that he would like to marry Katie Price. It was definitely a week ago because I remember thinking what an idiot he was for falling into the trap of Medusa AKA Jordan. Now, a week later, I'm reading that they have split up and Katie has now been seen leaving the house of rugby player and ex to Kelly Brook, Danny Cipriani.

I guess this is what makes celebrity life so great. But reading this, half of me is filled with joy, but at the same time, the other half is filled with sadness. I think it is great that Leo Penna has escaped from Katie Price's world. But what about the poor rugby player who has been sucked into the world of a media hungry Siren.

A source said 'Pals have been urging her to forget the model and football types, saying rugby guys were much more reliable... She only got his number a couple of months ago and started bombarding him with texts.'

If she has been bombarding him with texts for months then does that mean that she was texting him whilst she was still with Penna? If so then maybe Danny's pals should have urged him away from models, or just Jordan.

If Jordan's relationship history is anything to go by, then we have nothing to worry about. They will be seen on holiday together, there will be reports about him staying in the same bed as her, she will meet his parents, talk about having children and getting married, maybe one of them may actually happen, then they will split up. So do not fear, should only last a maximum of a year.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Simon Cowell - Lady Gaga is boring

Now the US X Factor has begun, its only right that Mr Cowell starts saying stupid stuff in order to promote the show.

This week he has stated that singers including Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Katy Perry are all boring! He was also kind enough to label Gaga as the 'most boring singer in the world' I guess she will be joining the list of boring singers. This list so far are as followed:
  • Matt Cardle
  • Leon Jackson
  • Shayne Ward
  • Steve Brookstein

    Obviously Simon Cowell knows what he is on about. I mean of course its boring to turn up to award shows wearing nothing but meat! Or to turn up as your alter ego! This happens all the time, do something original for once Gaga for God sake!!!

    However, being boring has helped her out! She is the most followed person on Twitter! She is also the first artist in history to have four #1 hits from a debut album!

    Maybe Simon needs to think about how good he actually is at judging talent. Glee star Amber Riley was rejected by Mr Cowell and co when she auditioned for American Idol when she was 18. '...They told me no, my world crumbled. I was thinking these people are in the industry and they are telling me no. I'm not good enough to do this.' Isn't it amazing that they missed her talent and she is now in a world famous TV show!

    Anyways their first episode was a huge success, and I'm sure the first series will be a hit so Simon will remain smug.

    Hope you have enjoyed this article. If you want to follow me on Facebook just click on the link and like the page. Frosty Celebrity News

    Monday, 26 September 2011

    Skins is to blame!!!!

    Have you guys ever heard of Peaches Geldof? She turns up in newspapers sometimes. Sometimes drunk, sometimes partying too hard, or just saying stupid stuff. She is also the daughter of a singer who really dislikes the start of the week for some reason.

    In an interview with the Sun, she told the newspaper that the E4 show 'Skins' is the reason why teenagers have been given such a bad name. 'Skins is too much. It's real in some ways. But for every handful of teenagers who are wayward and going through things that are portrayed in Skins, there are many teenagers who aren''s not just this crazy, drug-fuelled orgy-filled thing... It gives a bad name to modern adolescence.'

    Has Peaches been living in a bubble! I don't think Skins are to blame for teenagers being given a bad name. How about the riots which happened last month! I'm sure the character Tony Stonem was the reason why the teenagers in gangs decided to loot, vandalised and set fire to shops!

    Hang on! Wasn't Peaches the muse behind the creation of Skins? What does she do other than appear in newspapers being drunk and disorderly.

    Peaches has also given her opinion on reality TV shows, describing them as prostitution. Is that why she was on Fearne and Peaches Geldof? Or why she had her own advice show called OMG! With Peaches Geldof? Maybe Peaches needs to be the new Graeme Proctor from 'The Jeremy Kyle Show' she seems to have an opinion on everything.

    What I want to know if why Peaches can't be one of those children who just lives off her fathers money. That way we don't have to listen to her like she is Moses. Read a newspaper before you speak please!

    Hope you have enjoyed this article. If you want to follow me on Facebook just click on the link and like the page. Frosty Celebrity News

    Thursday, 22 September 2011

    Robbie Williams turns over a new leaf!

    Hey guys. It's been awhile. Sorry for my lack of posting, but my lack of posting got me a new job so it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

    So what have I missed? X Factor is as popular as ever, and now the auditions are over its now time for boot camp. But in present time, the wannabes have already been chosen and have been to the judges house; and, from what I have read, Gary's house was very interesting when the hopefuls were introduced to his guest judge Robbie Williams.

    Source Sinita

    If you remember in 2009 at Simon Cowells house. His guest judge Sinita welcomed the singers covered in leaves. By covered in leaves I don't mean she had a bath in glue and rolled around in Simon's back garden. I mean she was covered in palm leaves which were strategically arranged to shield her private area.

    Inspired by her choice in outfit, Robbie, who is a huge fan of X Factor greeted his guests in nothing but a palm leaf. Now this would be amazing if he introduced himself to girls who were huge fans of Robbie Williams. But Gary was given the boys category so I'm sure it wouldn't of had the same effect. Although I could be wrong...

    Anyways Robbie helped whittle eight down to four... I guess it was cold when he introduced himself...

    Tuesday, 13 September 2011

    Tory Party to increase binge drinking and alcoholism with new idea!

    Now increasing members is important in any club or party. But with the country being critised for binge drinking; offering alcohol for memberships is not the best direction to take. So its lucky that we are used to the Tory party throwing common sense out of the window as they have come up with a brilliant idea to offer potential members, to make them join their party.

    For a £5 membership fee, you can recieve £40 discount on 12 bottles of wine costing £60. This seems to be a bit excessive. Maybe it is because their membership numbers have sunked to below 270,000 members, (Could be because they are crap)

    Hold on! Who is paying for this?! This better not be coming out of our taxes! Definately better not be claimed back through expences!!! Maybe they each put in a sum of money into a kitty... HAHA yeah my arse!!

    I think they were drunk when they thought of this. I can imagine them in the board room. George saying to David, 'I tell you what David, we are a nation of binge drinkers and alcoholics. Why don't we use this to manipulate the weak minded into voting?' 'George that is a brilliant idea! This may be the alcohol talking but I have always respected you, you're such a beautiful person... I love you man...' Ok so the last bit was made up, but we don't know what is going on behind those doors. They could be dancing to 'It's Chico time' whilst downing jelly shots for all we know!

    This is such a stupid idea. Increasing membership is just like joining the gym! You sign up, go for a couple of sessions, then regret the decision a drink your sorrow away!

    Now i'm sorry guys, I think I am actually going to have to sign up, and I think everyone else should to! I mean for £5 you get £40 discount. Think about it, just because you sign up doesn't mean you have to vote for them, use them then dump them, its their own fault!

    Sunday, 11 September 2011

    Gary Barlow to show the judges past and present how its done!

    Head X Factor judge Gary Barlow (Yeah that's right Louis! Head judge!) has vowed to show the past judges, and Louis how to really mentor their acts.

    Last year the judges were criticised for concentrating more on themselves rather than the acts, working hard to win the competition. Last year Cheryl Cole's acts complained to Simon about her mentoring skills. From what I saw of last year, Cheryl was more interested in becoming an average solo singer rather than actually doing her job, helping the contestants win the competition.

    It was also common knowledge that Simon was keeping one eye on One Direction while the other eye was concentrating on the up coming US X Factor, what about the others?

    Anyway Gary has nothing to distract him as Take That has taken a break for awhile so all his attention can be on his acts. Robbie Williams, Gary's guest judge told The Mirror 'Gary is going to be full-on as a mentor. He's going to be closer than anyone has been in the past...' Even closer than Wagner was to all the female contestants last year! '...Previously the judges maybe gave them half an hour if they were lucky.' Gary agrees by adding '...with time put into these kids, we are going to see a better quality of act because of it.'

    Gary apparently didn't have a choice in choosing his guest judge as Robbie wouldn't let him leave without choosing him. He even offered his LA home for the auditions. Apparently Robbie loves reality TV. Gary told The Sun 'He watches all reality TV, including all the crap telly like Jersey Shore...' I like this man even more when I read this comment!

    My main question about this is... Why hasn't Robbie Williams turned out like Ozzy Osbourne? I read this article where he talks about his 'colossal' drug taking and nights where he didn't care if he lived or died. He described how he took prescription drugs and labelled it as 'The American Addiction'! What MacDonalds?! Are all the drugs put into a happy meal! He continued by saying 'I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. It was a painkiller. Then I'd take Adderall, which was like speed for people with ADHD. I'd be doing colossal, heart-stopping amounts of that. You can buy Sativa, which is basically LSD for five minutes.' Alright Robbie don't give people tips!!!

    Apparently it's all good though, he is off the drugs, so now we just have to worry about the other guest judges! Now my thought is that Kelly will ask her ex band mate Michelle Williams, which will be quite ironic as she has the same amount of vocal talent as an 90 year old chain smoker. Its the other two judges that I am more interested in. Surely I am not the only one to think that it would be pure entertainment to see Jedward guest judge with Louis in Ireland! Their feedback would be great! 'Listen okay, this, okay is our opinion okay. You need to okay, like sing using your mouth okay, and dance using your...umm...feet and legs okay' Tulisa has got to have either Fazer or Dappy right? Imagine them giving feedback. 'Ear me now! You bruv are dope up in this joint for shizzle innit!'

    Whatever happens, its good to know the final four boys and the show are in good hands. Gary has been sending texts to Simon just to compare the ratings from last year, each time this year has been successful. I think the texts go something like 'Ha! Suck it bitch! I guess all those buttons you opened up on your shirts made no difference what so ever. Put your chest hair away!!!'

    Thursday, 8 September 2011

    Jim Carrey Caught Painting Graffiti On His House!

    Recently divorced comedy genius Jim Carrey has been either suffering from a mid-life crisis, or has been making the most of single life.

    This Monday he was caught spray painting his New York apartment in bright colours, including the initials 'FFC' (If anyone knows why please leave a comment below). I'm worried this will make people question his sanity, because, if you think about it, if it was a Banksy, it would be considered art. Just because Jim didn't do it at night doesn't make it any less special. If they are going to question his sanity, maybe they should concentrate their attention on the meat wearing, ball bag carrying, psycho genius whos second name states that she is going mental...Gaga for you guys who are lost.

    Last month he created a video dedicated to Emma Stone (Superbad, Easy A, Zombieland) expressing his love for the actress. Again people thought he was mad, but who doesn't fancy Emma Stone? Jim just has the plums to do something about it. Would of been a problem if he broke the ice by asking if she wanted to hear the most annoying noise in the world!

    Ok so you don't often see houses or apartments covered in graffiti unless you live in an area where you need a tattoo to represent your gang, but if you look at the history of the actor's films, at least 95% of them involves him being nuts, Dumb and Dumber, Cable Guy, The Mask. So in real life we are bound to see the nutty, entertaining side come out for some fresh air. As long as he doesn't become Hank Evans!

    Anyway who cares if he is a bit nutty. All artist who were considered to be genius' have a wierd side to them. Michael Jackson had a theme park in his back garden and often had sleepovers with little children. THOUGH NOTHING HAPPENED!! Charlie Sheen (if you would consider him a genius) has become a Ninja Warrior Assassin! And Britney Spears shaved her head and tried to seduce her security guard, whilst being very smelly!

    Now just look at his face! He isn't going crazy! That is the expression he uses in his films when his comedy character is serious, e.g. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events... Am I sounding a bit obsessed with Jim?

    Whether he is going mad or not, I cannot wait to see what he is going to do next! And guys don't judge him too much. Just because he rocks doesn't mean he's made of stone!

    Tuesday, 6 September 2011

    Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes seen holding hands and kissing at Disneyland!

    You guys are never going to believe what I read on the USmagazine website. Actors and couple Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes were seen at Disneyland TOGETHER! Holding hands, and, wait for it... KISSING! I mean OMG! WTF is going on here!

    I forgot we were living in Victorian times where a man and a woman cannot be left alone together until they are engaged... I must of been dreaming all this time... Do Ipods exist or am I going going crazy? Ok if we are living in 2011 then they must of built a Disneyland in Dubai because those Islams don't like showing affection in public. No! It was in LA? Then what the hell is the problem?! Were they riding eachother, no! Ok i'm lost then as to why this is such a big deal?

    Onlookers said that they went on all the rides, and Ryan was fed cotton candy and corn on the cob...messy!

    Hang on, all this talk about them being affectionate, and no one has noticed that they were being stalked. Maybe Disneyland should sort out the perverts first!

    Monday, 5 September 2011

    Red or Black? Black and Blue?! Or Black and White stripes?!

    This week, Red or Black has become the main talking point with people tuning in to watch people who have had their benefits cancelled, try using their braincells (which they could use to get themselves a job) to choose Red or Black in order to progress to winning a million pounds.

    What is great, is this creation, created by Simon Cowell, has already cause controvercy after news that the first winner Nathan Hagerman, has spent two and a half years in prison, convicted of Bulgary and Assault.

    'It's no excuse and I take full responsibility for what happened' Well I should think so as it was you who did it! Both Simon and ITV have defended their decision to have Nathan on the show, even if he did take £1,000,000 from them! Simon is confident that Nathan winning is a good thing. 'I think the money will make a big difference to Nathan and his family' Yeah it will help his partner when it comes to raising the bail money for next time!

    In all honesty I don't see what the big deal is other then the fact that his crime was violent. I don't know what Simon can do about it. If you open reality TV shows to people, you are at risk of having people who have been in prison! If they let organisations like Ofcom control who goes on these shows, then X Factor would just have Lee Ryan queing over and over again, hoping for yet another comeback, and maybe his website might be started up again!

    Maybe Simon should create a show where only people from bad backgrounds can audition. That way we can stop having those boring and cringe-worthy sob stories on the X Factor and Britain Got Talent.

    My message to ITV! If you want to stop letting these people on our TV screens, then maybe you should join forces with the British National Party (BNP) They have a similar goal!

    Friday, 2 September 2011

    Where is Robin Hood when you need him?!

    Have you ever read anything that makes you uncontrollably laugh out loud. I tend to have these moments at least once a year, and yesterday during my lunch break at work, a laugh came out which drew unwanted attention to me.

    The headline read 'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer' it was either in The Sun or The Mirror and at first I thought it was going to be the same boring article about how taxes are rising but the rich don't seem to be affected! Although its a piss take that we pay more, I've read that kind of story dozens of times!

    This article was different though. It started off like the normal kind of article, but then the funny part emerged. I was told that banks would be contacting myself and every other customer in the UK to advise us on how to manage our money!

    Now correct me if I'm wrong but I wasn't the one who lost our money in the first place! Maybe we should transfer their calls back to the same bank so they can learn from their mistakes! Apparently some of their advice is for customers to cut down on their phone bills, to cancel Sky, and to downgrade on their holiday. These people are probably talking to us by a pool in Dubai, sipping on a cocktail which is probably paid for with our money! When I see a picture of them at Pontin's, I will consider listening to them!

    I'm sorry I might as well take advice about money from Kerry Katona. If they rang me and said 'The best advice we can give to you is to take all you money out in cash and store it in a safe' then I would listen as then I wouldn't have a potential character from TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) looking after my pounds...Yeah I used to have more, but the bank gave it to people who didn't have a hope in hell in paying it back!!!

    Them giving us advice is cheekier than Katie Price telling teenage girls that going under the knife is not the answer! If their advice is so good and fool proof, why don't they give us back the money we have paid in taxes and they can sort out the debt themselves! Maybe don't give the 'merchant bankers' who screwed up our economy a bonus and instead put that money into the billions and billions of pounds we owe!

    I have come to accept that I have to pay so much in tax. (doesn't mean I am happy about it but unless Steven Hawkins invents a time machine, there is not a lot we can do about it) But I think that if we are to pay it back, at least make it fun for us. An example, create a banker's fun fair! I would like to see the people who have put us in this mess put in the stocks, and we pay money to throw our taxes at them! Now the dedicated people would change their money up into pennies so they could get the most satisfaction out of it! (However in no way do I condone violence)

    To be honest, why should we just concentrate on bankers, how about making politicians pay back their stupid claims... I could go on but my tea is ready. I have two slices of toast and a cup of water from the jug i put out in my back garden to fill me up. Cheers you Bankers!!!

    Tuesday, 30 August 2011

    Lady Gaga turns Gentleman Gaga!

    Gaga has done plenty to surprise her fans and the media to make us go WOW! But not this time, for me her latest stunt was quite sad and a bit dull.

    This year at the 2011 VMA's, Gaga took home two moon men for 'Best Video with a message' and 'Best Female Video'. However, because the singer was too busy to receive the awards, she sent he alter-ego Joe Calderone to the stage to collect them on her behalf.

    This 'man' also performed with rock legend Brian May and presented Britney Spears with a Lifetime achievement award. Not wanting to be upstaged by the Queen of Pop, Gaga, sorry Joe approach Britney wanting a smooch. Britney reacted in a brilliant, professional way by saying 'I've done that already' referring to her kiss with Madonna back in 2003.

    That was the best decision that Britney could of made! When I heard about what Gaga did, I was quite annoyed because Gaga is already world famous, and although her alter-ego is a brilliant idea, she should not of done what she did because a lifetime achievement award is a big deal for singers. She should not of tried to take the spotlight away from Britney!

    In regards to Gaga's alter-ego. It could also be mistaken for split personality disorder, and if you remember her performance at Glastonbury, she was kind enough to show us some nutage so maybe this is her way of getting us to accept her/him...

    I actually think she is a genious! If she was accept as both male and female, she could be the first singer ever to win best male and best female in the same award show.

    Saturday, 27 August 2011

    Thames Water urges women not to shave their legs!

    Now we can understand a hosepipe ban during our extremely hot weather. Because as we all know, England always seem to suffer from extremely hot weather during the summer, such as the summer of 2011. But I think we all know, if you tell women to stop shaving their legs to save on water, their response will be, 'well I'm not thirsty anyway' Its like asking Lee Evans to stop sweating on stage. Its not going to happen!

    According to Thames Water, women use up to 50 billion litres a year by leaving the tap running. Apparently their research shows that if this stopped, there would be enough water to supply all homes in London for 25 days during times of low rainfall. 'We're not saying women shouldn't remove hair from their legs. We're just asking them to do it in a water-conscious way.'

    I think if we are going to criticise women wasting energy, then how about when they leave the TV on when programmes such as Emmerdale, Coronation Street and Eastenders are on. Such a waste!!!

    I think if they are serious about this, they need a campaign, and I think someone like Susan Boyle, possibly Julia Robert could lead it.

    That armpit hair is disgusting. Not just because it is on a woman, but because that must of took a fair few weeks to grow. Maybe she was going to audition as a hobbit for the up-coming film 'The Hobbit' Have we got a picture of her feet?

    This could save us a lot of water but I don't know whats more important. Saving water, or keeping women happy...However this leads to another question. Would men prefer silence for a couple of days, or to have their girlfriend happy... I know my answer...
    Love you fiance!

    Article read in the Daily Mail

    Friday, 26 August 2011

    Big Brother Bullying!

    Another year, another Big Brother controversy surrounding bullying! This time it is Bobby Sabel vs Amy Childs.

    It started when Lucien showed a keen interest in the Essex girl. However Bobby quickly made his feelings clear by voicing his opinion. 'I think she'll bleed you dry for everything you're worth. Don't go near it. You're smarter than it, you don't need it.' I hope for his sake 'It' means the whole subject of using people to stay in the media!

    Apart from saying 'It' I cannot see what the big deal is? On that programme, the housemates are constantly having to voice their opinion while they are in the diary room. If not, the only thing they would be able to say is 'Its alright' or 'They are alright' etc.

    If this is going to go any further, then may I suggest that they cancel diary room conversations and nominations. Or even just turn off the sound together... Actually, turning off the sound is the best idea. At least then we won't have to listen to the likes of Amy and Jedward talking bollocks.

    Tuesday, 23 August 2011

    Big Brother, Big Disappointment!

    I thought when Big Brother launched itself onto Channel 5, I was going to have a lot of stories to write about after each episode. I was sadly mistaken!

    Nothing major has happened since they all arrived in the house last friday, apart from John (From Jedward) dropping a pot of Coleslaw on the floor and not cleaning it up. I have struggled to watch an entire episode because the tasks they do are boring. The latest being Mr Pap taking pictures of the housemates in certain positions to create a news article, those photos, I would like to add, were crap considering it is a profession that he is famous for!

    Yesturday I wrote down notes during the episode for me to write about today. However, after a good nights sleep, looking at the notes, I don't want to waste mine and your time. I'll give you examples:
    • Amy tells some housemates about her camel toe experience Thrilling!
    • Sally praises Jedward for not singing about themselves - They can't sing anyway!
    • Jedward got into bed with Amy - Goes to show that together those three make one braincell!
     Source Bored Viewers
      If this is what it is like with celebrities in the house, (people who we have a tiny bit of interest in) then what is it going to be like when normal housemates go in. Channel 5 may go back to have seriously low ratings.

      BB have tried to spice things up a bit by setting Jedward a task. They have to be 5 meters away from eachother at all times and cannot wear the same outfits. Good thinking but why only 5 meters? Why can't they make it so one of the twins have to be in a room cut off from the other housemates, letting them swap every couple of hours. Then we would see what they are really like on their own!

      I really hope this is just a trial run. If not I am going to have to find something else to watch! My fiance has put 'Home Under the Hammer' on series link. We could have a winner!!!

      Monday, 22 August 2011

      Harry Potter...Sorry Daniel Radcliffe gets thumbs up from girlfriends father!

      Harry Potter AKA Daniel Radcliffe has revealed that he has been in a long term relationship, he is very much in love, and is celebrating the fact that he has received approval from her father.

      Rosanne Coker's father who owns his own painting and decorating business, told CBS 42 'I have met Daniel and he is a lovely guy... I don't want to say too much really as they would really prefer to keep things quiet... they have a lot of fun together and, at their age, what more could you ask?'

      When I first read this, I was in no way surprised that he like Daniel. With what he has been through, he has turned into a great guy! I'm surprised he isn't in an institute!

      When he was a baby, he witnessed his parent's murder by power-obsessed magician who destroyed himself when he attempted to kill him also. Since that night, Daniel has had to cope with people constantly telling him how special he is, which to me, is enough to ruin any one's self-esteem.

      Even though he sometimes performs magic and throws himself into dangerous situations, I still think he is a genuingly nice guys... Plus I could of possibly got mixed up?

      Thankfully for Dan, its just him retreating into a fantasy world. If he really wants to try and battle trolls, then may I recomend that he tweets some abuse to Wayne Rooney!

      But retreating into a world of fantasy is not healthy. I think he needs to step out of films and do something different, possibly theatre! Maybe something about a bloke who blinded six horses after creating some sexual/religious connection with them...sounds fine to me!

      Sunday, 21 August 2011

      The Return of X Factor!

      So because we have the launch of Big Brother! It seems only right that ITV would launch something to compete against C5. So may I introduce to you, the X Factor! The build up has been going on for quite some time, and my fiance has been getting more and more excited, that I thought her head was going to explode!

      So I think the first episode started really well. There were plenty of people who I hated, contestants that went through who shouldn't of, and it was filled with complete wierdos!

      It started off well, all four judges arrived in style, being flown in their own individual helicopter! I do feel though that they could of saved on the carbon footprint if they shared just one though. Very Irresponsible! The new judges, if you have been in a cave for a year and don't know what is going on, are Louis Walsh, Kelly Rowland, Tulisa Contostavlos and Gary Barlow, who is the only bloke who can judge talent it seems!

      Whilst I was watching it with a group of friends, all of them questioned why Louis was back as a judge. He was the one who made us suffer last year with Wagner! I even think ITV is questioning themselves, even when they introduced him in the beginnning. they reminded us that he is famous for creating the boy bands Boyzone and Westlife...Well Boyzone was created 18 years ago, and Westlife 13 years ago, so in my opinion that isn't good enough anymore! He needs to up his game!

      The person who stuck out the most for me was Kitty Brucknell AKA the new Jekyll and Hyde! I actually feel guilty for labelling Katie Price 'fame-hungry' compared to this woman. She came onto the stage, quite humble and shy, and performed Lady Gaga - Edge of Glory for which I can only describe as listening to a CD, but unfortunately, that isn't a compliment. If we wanted to hear an exact rendition of the brilliance of Gaga, we would watch 'Stars In Their Eyes'. The judges quite rightly praised her singing voice but failed to remember that it is called the X Factor...She wasn't anything special, and when she got all four yes', Mrs Hyde made an appearance! She suddenly felt right at home, had a nice chinwag with the audience before being told to leave by the judges! I have a feeling we are going to have another Katie Waissel. But as they say, all publicity is good publicity, which lucky for her, I have plenty of bad publicity for her. What I cringe worthy weirdo! I think she has it in her head that she is already a star! When she sat on the stage I just wanted to throw my shoe at the telly, however I was round a friends house so I don't think she would of appreciated that, even though they are K-Swiss!

      Another singer who stood out was George Gerasimou, someone who returned after two years when he was part of a group called 'Triple Trouble'. Basically a group of chavs with a terrible attitude who could not accept constructive criticism from the judges and decided to respond with verbal abuse.

      Anyway, I think for entertainment, he was allowed to come back for a rematch. He spoke to the judges about how he is a changed man, how he was short tempered two years ago, but has turned his life around. This lasted for 4 minutes until during his performance Gary Barlow stopped as he had heard enough, which I think all the viewers had as well. After the music stopped he turned into the hulk. Started slagging off the judges, most memorable insult being aimed at Tulisa 'You're some scumbag trying to replace Cheryl. Some scumbag from the block.' I was surprised that he didn't pull out a Burberry cap and some Reebok classics when he started mouthing off. He was a waste of screen time! He would of had more luck during the London riots in coming away with something worthwhile, maybe an Asbo!

      Unfortunately though, the judges are yet again controlled by the audience! The judges were treated to a 48 year old lady from Hong Kong called Goldie Cheung, who murdered...whatever song she sang at the beginning, and also Tina Turner's song Proud. However because the audience found it funny, this meant any criticism given from the judges was followed by boos by people who have paid to see four celebrities, who have had major success, give their opinion on whether they think the person has the X Factor. But because the judges don't like boos, other than Gary Barlow. They gave in and gave her three yes'.

      What is the point in this being a singing competition if any numpty is welcome with open arms. If this continues then we will be having another load of Jedwards and Wagners in our finals wasting a place that someone with actual talent could of taken!

      Friday, 19 August 2011

      The Return of BB!

      Source BB Logo

      So it has begun. Big Brother is back on our screens! After saying goodbye to the show on Channel 4, I thought I was free from seeing mindless idiots pretending to be someone they are not. But Channel 5 has decided that the public needs to receive another dose of the show that created reality TV.

      Tonight BB was kicked off with Celebrity Big Brother, and what a wide range of 'celebrities' we have in there. We have a movie stars, 'singers', a gypsy fighter, a pr**k (Paparazzi), an ex wife of a more famous character on Baywatch, and my favourite, the wife of the speaker in the House of Commons (Although I am confused as to how she has been classed as a celebrity...?)

      Source Amy Childs

      The main contestants put together, have enough braincells to make two slices of toast! A prime example is Amy Childs, known for being the main character in TOWIE. During her introduction, she described herself as the following... 'I really am ditsy, I really don't think before I speak!' Should prove to be some good viewing then. I may to put the show on subtitiles when she speaks though.

      Kerry Katona, was first contestant in, and was lucky enough to be picked for the first BB challenge. Her job was to become a diva and throw a tantrum in front of everyone. Shouldn't be hard for the ex Atomic Kitten singer. There are a couple of things she could complain about. How about that fact that the producers did not provide her with any recreational substances! Or the fact that the amount of alcohol provided was only enough to give her dutch courage!

      One housemate which I was surprised to see in there was Darryn Lyons AKA Mr Paparazzi! And when I did see him, the first thing I thought was how he was the definition of the word hypocrite. He looked shocking! He's overweight, terrible hair and has a crap dress sense! And yet he is the man who is in charge magazines that judges celebrities and makes their lives hell. I think whilst he is in there, all the celebrities should band together and create a magazine, purely concentrated on him, with constant criticism. Shouldn't be too difficult, he is an arse!

      Now what shocked me the most is when the annoying duo Jedward entered the house! They seemed to be the centre of attention! Half of me hated seeing them on TV, generally because I can't stand them! But the other half is really glad they are in. I actually think the producers should keep them in there even when the show has finished and the cameras are turned off. Whilst the show is on however, I think they need to be pushed to their limits. One thing I would love to see is how they would behave if they were kept apart from each other for the whole show. Hopefully a lot of crying and erratic behaviour.

      As much as I would like to say this will be my only post about BB. I don't think I will be able to avoid it as there are so many muppets in there, something is bound to go wrong.

      Let me know what you think of the housemates. Do you think they will all gel together or will there be some friction?

      Wednesday, 17 August 2011

      X Factor to be less sexy this year!

      Source Rihanna

      After the paddy that Ofcom had last year about the sexy performances by both Rihanna and Christina Aguilera. The X Factor has promised to tone down its act before the 9pm watershed.

      Last yeah the show recieved 5,000 complaints and they have been told by Ofcom the clean-up their act. A source told The Daily Mirror, 'Ofcom made themselves very clear about what they expect, and the message they gave us was basically to cut the smut.'

      So i'm guessing this year we can expect weekly performances from Susan Boyle then.

      What I want to know is what you guys and gals think. Please complete the poll found in the right hand column and let me know how the raunchyness of the show affects you.

      Tuesday, 16 August 2011

      Commercials increased by 22%!!!!!

      Now i'm sure you are all like me. When you are watching a programme, getting really into it, you are rudely interrupted sodding TV channels throwing up to 5 minutes worth of adverts that you have no interest in. Well figures show that audiences are watching an extra 22% more edverts then they were 5 years ago, utter disgrace!

      I can understand adverts which shows us programmes which will be coming to our TV screens in the near future. But constant adverts about accidents which weren't my fault is boring.

      It has gotten to the stage where you could, if you have time on your hands (which I did) put a short story together during those five minutes. In fact...I have actually done it...

      So the fat, annoying 'Go Compare' bloke was walking down the street reading a letter from 'Gladstone Brookes' about PPIs when he fells over Aleksandr the meerkat and sprained his ankle. Now because he was injured in an accident which wasn't his fault, he knew by the constant adverts, that he could be entitled to compensation. But he needed money just in case he lost so he had to put all his gold into an envelope and sent it off to 'Cash my Gold'. Now that still wasn't enough so he had to use 'Quick Quid' for help. So after a week he won, but because of the 1734% APR he got into financial difficulty. So he had to consolidate all his loans into one manageable monthly repayment.

      Its a crap story but they are crap adverts!

      The problem is, they are aimed at naive benefit cheating muppets who would cut off their hand if it meant they could get a 40" TV out of it.

      How many times do 'Gladstone Brookes' and other companies have to advertise PPI's?! I wish I was allowed to be the voice of their advert. 'If you have had a loan in the last six years where you didn't understand your repayments or the insurance sold to you. Then you shouldn't of taken out the loan you f**king idiot, you deserve everything you get!'

      Its the same with 'Quick Quid' what a brilliant advert 'Too many bills this month? Then do what I did! Visit and get the money you need today...Its so quick and simple, I got the money, and in return they now own my house, and I work as an escort in the evenings to try and pay it back. If you are interested why not call me on 0800GULLABLE'

      Guys please ignore these adverts. Unless you like teddies, if so, use compare the market and you can get a teddy bear!

      Sunday, 14 August 2011

      Bert and Ernie, confusion over which side they are batting for!

      The Sesame Street duo, who have been friends for over 42 years, have been the centre of attention for over 7000 who have signed a petition for Bert and Ernie to get married. They are asking for the two characters who share the same bedroom, albeit in two single beds, to tie the knot to show a generation of lesbians and gays that they are beautiful to.

      I'm sorry but isn't Sesame Street aimed at preschool children?! If there are teenagers or adults watching the programme everyday, then I would question their maturity to decide what their sexuality actually is.

      So if they were labelled as homosexual, then what can they teach children. Are they going to have episodes about fashion, gay pride parades, going to gay night clubs? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuals, I just think they have chosen the wrong characters to plant the 'seed of peace' in people.

      The Sesame Workshop has released a statement saying 'Bert and Ernie are best friends... They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different to themselves.'

      For everything that has been said, for 42 years, it has been dictated to them what the scene was going to involved, and each time someone has stuck their hand up their behind, so maybe they could quite easily adapt to a change of sexuality.

      As for this petition, that fact that 7,100 people have signed and over 3,000 people have joined the facebook group. The main issue for me is that we have a lot of people with a homosexual, puppet fetish... Something to worry about...
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