Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Lady Gaga turns Gentleman Gaga!

Gaga has done plenty to surprise her fans and the media to make us go WOW! But not this time, for me her latest stunt was quite sad and a bit dull.

This year at the 2011 VMA's, Gaga took home two moon men for 'Best Video with a message' and 'Best Female Video'. However, because the singer was too busy to receive the awards, she sent he alter-ego Joe Calderone to the stage to collect them on her behalf.

This 'man' also performed with rock legend Brian May and presented Britney Spears with a Lifetime achievement award. Not wanting to be upstaged by the Queen of Pop, Gaga, sorry Joe approach Britney wanting a smooch. Britney reacted in a brilliant, professional way by saying 'I've done that already' referring to her kiss with Madonna back in 2003.

That was the best decision that Britney could of made! When I heard about what Gaga did, I was quite annoyed because Gaga is already world famous, and although her alter-ego is a brilliant idea, she should not of done what she did because a lifetime achievement award is a big deal for singers. She should not of tried to take the spotlight away from Britney!

In regards to Gaga's alter-ego. It could also be mistaken for split personality disorder, and if you remember her performance at Glastonbury, she was kind enough to show us some nutage so maybe this is her way of getting us to accept her/him...

I actually think she is a genious! If she was accept as both male and female, she could be the first singer ever to win best male and best female in the same award show.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

Thames Water urges women not to shave their legs!

Now we can understand a hosepipe ban during our extremely hot weather. Because as we all know, England always seem to suffer from extremely hot weather during the summer, such as the summer of 2011. But I think we all know, if you tell women to stop shaving their legs to save on water, their response will be, 'well I'm not thirsty anyway' Its like asking Lee Evans to stop sweating on stage. Its not going to happen!

According to Thames Water, women use up to 50 billion litres a year by leaving the tap running. Apparently their research shows that if this stopped, there would be enough water to supply all homes in London for 25 days during times of low rainfall. 'We're not saying women shouldn't remove hair from their legs. We're just asking them to do it in a water-conscious way.'

I think if we are going to criticise women wasting energy, then how about when they leave the TV on when programmes such as Emmerdale, Coronation Street and Eastenders are on. Such a waste!!!

I think if they are serious about this, they need a campaign, and I think someone like Susan Boyle, possibly Julia Robert could lead it.

That armpit hair is disgusting. Not just because it is on a woman, but because that must of took a fair few weeks to grow. Maybe she was going to audition as a hobbit for the up-coming film 'The Hobbit' Have we got a picture of her feet?

This could save us a lot of water but I don't know whats more important. Saving water, or keeping women happy...However this leads to another question. Would men prefer silence for a couple of days, or to have their girlfriend happy... I know my answer...
Love you fiance!

Article read in the Daily Mail

Friday, 26 August 2011

Big Brother Bullying!

Another year, another Big Brother controversy surrounding bullying! This time it is Bobby Sabel vs Amy Childs.

It started when Lucien showed a keen interest in the Essex girl. However Bobby quickly made his feelings clear by voicing his opinion. 'I think she'll bleed you dry for everything you're worth. Don't go near it. You're smarter than it, you don't need it.' I hope for his sake 'It' means the whole subject of using people to stay in the media!

Apart from saying 'It' I cannot see what the big deal is? On that programme, the housemates are constantly having to voice their opinion while they are in the diary room. If not, the only thing they would be able to say is 'Its alright' or 'They are alright' etc.

If this is going to go any further, then may I suggest that they cancel diary room conversations and nominations. Or even just turn off the sound together... Actually, turning off the sound is the best idea. At least then we won't have to listen to the likes of Amy and Jedward talking bollocks.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Big Brother, Big Disappointment!

I thought when Big Brother launched itself onto Channel 5, I was going to have a lot of stories to write about after each episode. I was sadly mistaken!

Nothing major has happened since they all arrived in the house last friday, apart from John (From Jedward) dropping a pot of Coleslaw on the floor and not cleaning it up. I have struggled to watch an entire episode because the tasks they do are boring. The latest being Mr Pap taking pictures of the housemates in certain positions to create a news article, those photos, I would like to add, were crap considering it is a profession that he is famous for!

Yesturday I wrote down notes during the episode for me to write about today. However, after a good nights sleep, looking at the notes, I don't want to waste mine and your time. I'll give you examples:
  • Amy tells some housemates about her camel toe experience Thrilling!
  • Sally praises Jedward for not singing about themselves - They can't sing anyway!
  • Jedward got into bed with Amy - Goes to show that together those three make one braincell!
 Source Bored Viewers
    If this is what it is like with celebrities in the house, (people who we have a tiny bit of interest in) then what is it going to be like when normal housemates go in. Channel 5 may go back to have seriously low ratings.

    BB have tried to spice things up a bit by setting Jedward a task. They have to be 5 meters away from eachother at all times and cannot wear the same outfits. Good thinking but why only 5 meters? Why can't they make it so one of the twins have to be in a room cut off from the other housemates, letting them swap every couple of hours. Then we would see what they are really like on their own!

    I really hope this is just a trial run. If not I am going to have to find something else to watch! My fiance has put 'Home Under the Hammer' on series link. We could have a winner!!!

    Monday, 22 August 2011

    Harry Potter...Sorry Daniel Radcliffe gets thumbs up from girlfriends father!

    Harry Potter AKA Daniel Radcliffe has revealed that he has been in a long term relationship, he is very much in love, and is celebrating the fact that he has received approval from her father.

    Rosanne Coker's father who owns his own painting and decorating business, told CBS 42 'I have met Daniel and he is a lovely guy... I don't want to say too much really as they would really prefer to keep things quiet... they have a lot of fun together and, at their age, what more could you ask?'

    When I first read this, I was in no way surprised that he like Daniel. With what he has been through, he has turned into a great guy! I'm surprised he isn't in an institute!

    When he was a baby, he witnessed his parent's murder by power-obsessed magician who destroyed himself when he attempted to kill him also. Since that night, Daniel has had to cope with people constantly telling him how special he is, which to me, is enough to ruin any one's self-esteem.

    Even though he sometimes performs magic and throws himself into dangerous situations, I still think he is a genuingly nice guys... Plus I could of possibly got mixed up?

    Thankfully for Dan, its just him retreating into a fantasy world. If he really wants to try and battle trolls, then may I recomend that he tweets some abuse to Wayne Rooney!

    But retreating into a world of fantasy is not healthy. I think he needs to step out of films and do something different, possibly theatre! Maybe something about a bloke who blinded six horses after creating some sexual/religious connection with them...sounds fine to me!

    Sunday, 21 August 2011

    The Return of X Factor!

    So because we have the launch of Big Brother! It seems only right that ITV would launch something to compete against C5. So may I introduce to you, the X Factor! The build up has been going on for quite some time, and my fiance has been getting more and more excited, that I thought her head was going to explode!

    So I think the first episode started really well. There were plenty of people who I hated, contestants that went through who shouldn't of, and it was filled with complete wierdos!

    It started off well, all four judges arrived in style, being flown in their own individual helicopter! I do feel though that they could of saved on the carbon footprint if they shared just one though. Very Irresponsible! The new judges, if you have been in a cave for a year and don't know what is going on, are Louis Walsh, Kelly Rowland, Tulisa Contostavlos and Gary Barlow, who is the only bloke who can judge talent it seems!

    Whilst I was watching it with a group of friends, all of them questioned why Louis was back as a judge. He was the one who made us suffer last year with Wagner! I even think ITV is questioning themselves, even when they introduced him in the beginnning. they reminded us that he is famous for creating the boy bands Boyzone and Westlife...Well Boyzone was created 18 years ago, and Westlife 13 years ago, so in my opinion that isn't good enough anymore! He needs to up his game!

    The person who stuck out the most for me was Kitty Brucknell AKA the new Jekyll and Hyde! I actually feel guilty for labelling Katie Price 'fame-hungry' compared to this woman. She came onto the stage, quite humble and shy, and performed Lady Gaga - Edge of Glory for which I can only describe as listening to a CD, but unfortunately, that isn't a compliment. If we wanted to hear an exact rendition of the brilliance of Gaga, we would watch 'Stars In Their Eyes'. The judges quite rightly praised her singing voice but failed to remember that it is called the X Factor...She wasn't anything special, and when she got all four yes', Mrs Hyde made an appearance! She suddenly felt right at home, had a nice chinwag with the audience before being told to leave by the judges! I have a feeling we are going to have another Katie Waissel. But as they say, all publicity is good publicity, which lucky for her, I have plenty of bad publicity for her. What I cringe worthy weirdo! I think she has it in her head that she is already a star! When she sat on the stage I just wanted to throw my shoe at the telly, however I was round a friends house so I don't think she would of appreciated that, even though they are K-Swiss!

    Another singer who stood out was George Gerasimou, someone who returned after two years when he was part of a group called 'Triple Trouble'. Basically a group of chavs with a terrible attitude who could not accept constructive criticism from the judges and decided to respond with verbal abuse.

    Anyway, I think for entertainment, he was allowed to come back for a rematch. He spoke to the judges about how he is a changed man, how he was short tempered two years ago, but has turned his life around. This lasted for 4 minutes until during his performance Gary Barlow stopped as he had heard enough, which I think all the viewers had as well. After the music stopped he turned into the hulk. Started slagging off the judges, most memorable insult being aimed at Tulisa 'You're some scumbag trying to replace Cheryl. Some scumbag from the block.' I was surprised that he didn't pull out a Burberry cap and some Reebok classics when he started mouthing off. He was a waste of screen time! He would of had more luck during the London riots in coming away with something worthwhile, maybe an Asbo!

    Unfortunately though, the judges are yet again controlled by the audience! The judges were treated to a 48 year old lady from Hong Kong called Goldie Cheung, who murdered...whatever song she sang at the beginning, and also Tina Turner's song Proud. However because the audience found it funny, this meant any criticism given from the judges was followed by boos by people who have paid to see four celebrities, who have had major success, give their opinion on whether they think the person has the X Factor. But because the judges don't like boos, other than Gary Barlow. They gave in and gave her three yes'.

    What is the point in this being a singing competition if any numpty is welcome with open arms. If this continues then we will be having another load of Jedwards and Wagners in our finals wasting a place that someone with actual talent could of taken!

    Friday, 19 August 2011

    The Return of BB!

    Source BB Logo

    So it has begun. Big Brother is back on our screens! After saying goodbye to the show on Channel 4, I thought I was free from seeing mindless idiots pretending to be someone they are not. But Channel 5 has decided that the public needs to receive another dose of the show that created reality TV.

    Tonight BB was kicked off with Celebrity Big Brother, and what a wide range of 'celebrities' we have in there. We have a movie stars, 'singers', a gypsy fighter, a pr**k (Paparazzi), an ex wife of a more famous character on Baywatch, and my favourite, the wife of the speaker in the House of Commons (Although I am confused as to how she has been classed as a celebrity...?)

    Source Amy Childs

    The main contestants put together, have enough braincells to make two slices of toast! A prime example is Amy Childs, known for being the main character in TOWIE. During her introduction, she described herself as the following... 'I really am ditsy, I really don't think before I speak!' Should prove to be some good viewing then. I may to put the show on subtitiles when she speaks though.

    Kerry Katona, was first contestant in, and was lucky enough to be picked for the first BB challenge. Her job was to become a diva and throw a tantrum in front of everyone. Shouldn't be hard for the ex Atomic Kitten singer. There are a couple of things she could complain about. How about that fact that the producers did not provide her with any recreational substances! Or the fact that the amount of alcohol provided was only enough to give her dutch courage!

    One housemate which I was surprised to see in there was Darryn Lyons AKA Mr Paparazzi! And when I did see him, the first thing I thought was how he was the definition of the word hypocrite. He looked shocking! He's overweight, terrible hair and has a crap dress sense! And yet he is the man who is in charge magazines that judges celebrities and makes their lives hell. I think whilst he is in there, all the celebrities should band together and create a magazine, purely concentrated on him, with constant criticism. Shouldn't be too difficult, he is an arse!

    Now what shocked me the most is when the annoying duo Jedward entered the house! They seemed to be the centre of attention! Half of me hated seeing them on TV, generally because I can't stand them! But the other half is really glad they are in. I actually think the producers should keep them in there even when the show has finished and the cameras are turned off. Whilst the show is on however, I think they need to be pushed to their limits. One thing I would love to see is how they would behave if they were kept apart from each other for the whole show. Hopefully a lot of crying and erratic behaviour.

    As much as I would like to say this will be my only post about BB. I don't think I will be able to avoid it as there are so many muppets in there, something is bound to go wrong.

    Let me know what you think of the housemates. Do you think they will all gel together or will there be some friction?

    Wednesday, 17 August 2011

    X Factor to be less sexy this year!

    Source Rihanna

    After the paddy that Ofcom had last year about the sexy performances by both Rihanna and Christina Aguilera. The X Factor has promised to tone down its act before the 9pm watershed.

    Last yeah the show recieved 5,000 complaints and they have been told by Ofcom the clean-up their act. A source told The Daily Mirror, 'Ofcom made themselves very clear about what they expect, and the message they gave us was basically to cut the smut.'

    So i'm guessing this year we can expect weekly performances from Susan Boyle then.

    What I want to know is what you guys and gals think. Please complete the poll found in the right hand column and let me know how the raunchyness of the show affects you.

    Tuesday, 16 August 2011

    Commercials increased by 22%!!!!!

    Now i'm sure you are all like me. When you are watching a programme, getting really into it, you are rudely interrupted sodding TV channels throwing up to 5 minutes worth of adverts that you have no interest in. Well figures show that audiences are watching an extra 22% more edverts then they were 5 years ago, utter disgrace!

    I can understand adverts which shows us programmes which will be coming to our TV screens in the near future. But constant adverts about accidents which weren't my fault is boring.

    It has gotten to the stage where you could, if you have time on your hands (which I did) put a short story together during those five minutes. In fact...I have actually done it...

    So the fat, annoying 'Go Compare' bloke was walking down the street reading a letter from 'Gladstone Brookes' about PPIs when he fells over Aleksandr the meerkat and sprained his ankle. Now because he was injured in an accident which wasn't his fault, he knew by the constant adverts, that he could be entitled to compensation. But he needed money just in case he lost so he had to put all his gold into an envelope and sent it off to 'Cash my Gold'. Now that still wasn't enough so he had to use 'Quick Quid' for help. So after a week he won, but because of the 1734% APR he got into financial difficulty. So he had to consolidate all his loans into one manageable monthly repayment.

    Its a crap story but they are crap adverts!

    The problem is, they are aimed at naive benefit cheating muppets who would cut off their hand if it meant they could get a 40" TV out of it.

    How many times do 'Gladstone Brookes' and other companies have to advertise PPI's?! I wish I was allowed to be the voice of their advert. 'If you have had a loan in the last six years where you didn't understand your repayments or the insurance sold to you. Then you shouldn't of taken out the loan you f**king idiot, you deserve everything you get!'

    Its the same with 'Quick Quid' what a brilliant advert 'Too many bills this month? Then do what I did! Visit QuickQuid.co.uk/TV and get the money you need today...Its so quick and simple, I got the money, and in return they now own my house, and I work as an escort in the evenings to try and pay it back. If you are interested why not call me on 0800GULLABLE'

    Guys please ignore these adverts. Unless you like teddies, if so, use compare the market and you can get a teddy bear!

    Sunday, 14 August 2011

    Bert and Ernie, confusion over which side they are batting for!

    The Sesame Street duo, who have been friends for over 42 years, have been the centre of attention for over 7000 who have signed a petition for Bert and Ernie to get married. They are asking for the two characters who share the same bedroom, albeit in two single beds, to tie the knot to show a generation of lesbians and gays that they are beautiful to.

    I'm sorry but isn't Sesame Street aimed at preschool children?! If there are teenagers or adults watching the programme everyday, then I would question their maturity to decide what their sexuality actually is.

    So if they were labelled as homosexual, then what can they teach children. Are they going to have episodes about fashion, gay pride parades, going to gay night clubs? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuals, I just think they have chosen the wrong characters to plant the 'seed of peace' in people.

    The Sesame Workshop has released a statement saying 'Bert and Ernie are best friends... They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different to themselves.'

    For everything that has been said, for 42 years, it has been dictated to them what the scene was going to involved, and each time someone has stuck their hand up their behind, so maybe they could quite easily adapt to a change of sexuality.

    As for this petition, that fact that 7,100 people have signed and over 3,000 people have joined the facebook group. The main issue for me is that we have a lot of people with a homosexual, puppet fetish... Something to worry about...

    Saturday, 13 August 2011

    Jordan experiencing her mid-life crisis

    Jordan has admitted to close friends that she is extremely worried that she is no longer considered sexy to the opposite sex. A source close to the reality TV star says 'She's getting scared that she is losing her sex symbol.' Well stop having all those surgeries! Because eventually there will be a mix up and you may go from having a V to having a P.

    The ex model's confidence is slipping, even after falling into a relationship with Agentinian model Leandro Penna. A friend of hers told Now! 'She's never been happy with how she looks, which is why she's had so many boob jobs, lipo and fillers'

    Apparently Leandro made it worse when he paid her a compliment by saying how gorgeous she looked in her early pictures. What a horrible man!!! Luckily for Jordan its whats inside that counts, which is her original face and breasts!
    Anyway Jordan has nothing to worry about. Men don't just go for looks. Personality is just as important...Oh...umm...Sorry Jordan, maybe you should be scared.

    Thursday, 11 August 2011

    John Terry, Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney plea to stop the rioting!

    In an attempt to stop the rioting, England captain John Terry, along with Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney have attended a press conference to plead to the rioters to stop, allowing the premiership games to start this weekend.

    Club England managing director Adrian Bevington spoke on the behalf of the players. Their joint statement said: ‘On behalf of the squad, we would like to say we are disappointed that tomorrow’s game has been called off but obviously we understand the reasons behind this decision and support it. We’ve all seen the terrible pictures on the television and the most important thing at this time is the safety of the fans and the general public. At this time, the whole squad would like to appeal for calm and an end to the disorder that has been ongoing.’ 

    Now I think its great that the England team are trying to use their status as role models to make a difference. But why choose these three? One of them was banned for 6 months for missing drug tests, and they have all been in the newspapers because of adultery. It would of been equally as affective if they bought the Kray Twins back from the dead to ask for peace.

    What is going on with this country anyway. They are using the shooting of Mark Duggan by police as an excuse to cause havoc. Here are my issues with that:
    1. He was a gang member
    2. Even if he didn't fire his weapon. If he pointed it at armed police, they are going to shoot.
    3. His picture definitely made him appear to be the pillar of the community

    Now I have an idea on how to punish these teenagers. Obviously chucking them in prison would be great, but we do have a problem with them being full. Why don't we go to these people's houses, go up to the their rooms, grab everything expensive that they own e.g. TV, CD player, ipod, mobile, games consoles etc. Take the items, put them in a skip, and set the feckers on fire, and make them watch. We could even chuck them in but I don't know if that comes under their human rights.
    I don't know about you guys but all this rioting goes to show that we need to listen more to the Kaiser Chiefs!

    Wednesday, 10 August 2011

    Alex Reid stops dressing as a woman for Chantelle!

    Chantelle Houghton, girlfriend of Alex Reid has declared she has won the first round in her battle against Katie Price AKA Jordan.

    The couple has been together for four months and to show his dedication to Chantelle, he has hung up his stockings and stilettos and has said goodbye to 'Roxanne'. 'He wouldn't do it for Jordan but all I had to do was ask' she told Now magazine. She may be proud of her accomplishment but I think its because he doesn't like any of the clothes she owns.

    He looks like Chyna from WWE; and I have a feeling Chantelle didn't just ask. Maybe she offered something in return... Maybe a signed copy of her book. That would scare me into doing anything she asked.

    I think he needs to think about hanging up his gloves as well. I mean how can he expect to intimidate his opponents in the cage? Unless he hope that they would never hit a girl. Might want to think again Alex!

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